Building Self-Esteem & Overcoming Shame: Therapeutic Approaches That Work

Let’s be real for a second: shame sucks. It’s heavy. It’s sneaky. And if you’ve ever thought “I’m not good enough,” “I’m too much,” or “If people really knew me, they’d leave,”—you’ve met shame before. Probably more than once.

The good news? Self-esteem isn’t something you’re either born with or not—it’s something you can build. In therapy, this is deep, powerful work. And if you’re in that awkward (and sometimes overwhelming) transition into adulthood, it might be the missing piece you didn’t know you needed.

Why Do Young Adults Struggle So Much With Self-Esteem & Shame?

Between social media, family pressure, academic expectations, trauma, and the general stress of trying to “figure it all out”—young adulthood is prime time for low self-esteem. This stage of life is filled with change, questions, and the pressure to have it all together. What that looks like is a lot of young adults walking around feeling like they’re already behind.

Too many young adults are walking around with ruthless internal monologues believing they’re broken. They internalized harmful beliefs that they’re not good enough or that their value is based entirely on achievement. These beliefs might stem from earlier experiences, but they show up in the present through anxiety, procrastination, social isolation, and substance use.

Understanding Shame: It’s Not Just Embarrassment

They may be distant cousins, but guilt and shame are not the same thing. Guilt says, “I did something wrong.” Shame says, “I am something wrong.” Shame is more personal, more painful, and more pervasive. Shame convinces you that you’re fundamentally flawed and undeserving of love, connection, or success. 

When shame goes unchallenged, it becomes the lens through which you see everything—including yourself. But once you learn how to name it and work through it, you can begin to live from a place of worthiness instead of fear.

Let’s Talk About Therapeutic Approaches That Actually Work

The good news is that therapy offers a wide range of tools to address shame and build self-esteem in real, sustainable ways. Just like treating substance abuse, willpower alone doesn’t cut it. You need evidence-based and trauma-informed treatment that addresses the root of the problem—not just the symptoms.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: Challenge the Inner Critic

CBT is one of the most widely used and research-backed therapeutic approaches for improving self-esteem. It focuses on identifying unhelpful thought patterns—like “I always mess things up” or “I’m not good enough”—and replacing them with more accurate and supportive beliefs.

Working with a CBT therapist teaches you how your thoughts influence your feelings and behavior. You can start to catch negative self-talk in real-time and reframe it in a healthier way. It empowers you to take control of your inner dialogue and start writing a new narrative - one where you’re allowed to make mistakes and still be worthy of respect. 

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): Emotional Regulation FTW

DBT was originally created for people with intense emotions, but it’s useful for everyone—especially young adults trying to figure out how to manage life without burning out. If shame and low self-esteem have made it hard for you to trust yourself, DBT helps you build that trust back, one skill at a time.

Through DBT, you’ll learn how to regulate your emotions, tolerate distress, set healthy boundaries, and communicate effectively. When you start to handle emotions more effectively, your confidence naturally grows. You no longer feel like you’re at the mercy of your feelings. You begin to believe, “I can do hard things”—and that belief is the foundation of self-esteem.

Psychoeducation & Self-Compassion Work: Knowledge is Healing

Sometimes, just understanding why you feel the way you do can change everything. When you learn about how trauma impacts the brain, or how attachment styles influence relationships, things start to click. You realize you’re not crazy or broken—you’re responding exactly how someone with your experiences would respond.

Self-compassion is a game-changer for people stuck in shame. It helps you soften the edges of your inner critic, forgive yourself for not knowing better, and show up for yourself with gentleness instead of judgment. That’s what builds real self-worth.

You Deserve to Feel Good About Who You Are

You’re not too broken, too sensitive, too much, or too far gone. You’re human. And humans struggle, especially when they’ve been hurt. Struggling doesn’t mean something is wrong, it just means you’re ready to grow.

Therapy can help you uncover the truth about who you are. The person who is worthy of love, connection, purpose, and peace.

So take the first step. You’ve got this. And you’re absolutely worth it.